OP (50F) is the eldest of divorced parents. Her father is happily remarried, but her mother stayed single and relies on OP and her younger brother (45) for help in her retirement village. The brother only helps when it fits his schedule, while OP, married with kids, a career, and a side gig, handles emergencies. Mom praises the brother for minor tasks. Months ago, OP learned mom is leaving everything to the brother. OP was hurt but continued helping until a recent accident. OP decided not to go, feeling unappreciated. Family doesn’t understand OP’s choice, and mom sends guilt-inducing texts. OP tells in update about her meltdown that led to family support. Mom and her sister are now considering assisted living. OP feels regret but also relief.
Scroll down below to read the story in OP’s own words.
1. OP asks if it was wrong to step back from her injured mom after being cut out of her Will.
2. OP the eldest, father has remarried and has more children, while her single mother relies on OP and her younger brother for regular assistance in her retirement village.
3. It’s costly and inconvenient to travel to her. My younger brother, single with no kids, helps only on his schedule, like during his summer vacation, for tasks like moving furniture.
4. In emergencies, OP is the go-to despite juggling marriage, kids, career, and a side gig. Family expects her to drop everything.
5. She’s incredibly accident-prone and ill. Recently: head-on collisions, cancer twice, being t-boned, and pneumonia. This wasn’t her growing up; it’s since retirement.
6. Even with minimal stays (once returning due to a caregiver flake), I’ve used up PTO, dipped into savings, missed my kids’ milestones. She favors my “golden” brother endlessly.
7. OP discovered she’s leaving almost everything to her brother, with just small amounts for my kids. Hurt and puzzled, she refused to discuss it, leaving me in confusion.
8. He lives rent-free with a wealthy relative who will leave him a large home. Despite her brother being her medical POA, OP is always contacts for help.
9. OP’s love and care for her go beyond money. OP couldn’t bring myself to visit. OP suggested she ask her brother for help instead.
10. OP’s spouse supports her decision to prioritize herself after years of caregiving. Family pressures her to visit, but mom now understands her situation.
11. OP wonders if she’s wrong for not helping her mom due to being cut out of the will. Family has shown support post-meltdown, prompting mixed feelings about past neglect.
12. OP remains at home while her mom and sibling explore assisted living. Despite regrets, she feels relief but acknowledges the difficulty of not being physically present.
13. OP understands now that it wasn’t about money but about feeling unacknowledged by her mom compared to her brother.
14. OP’s aunt shared that there are life insurance policies for her kids’ college expenses and that their grandmother’s funeral arrangements are prepaid, easing OP’s mind about her children’s future.
15. This breakdown reshaped my perspective. I’m sad yet liberated, realizing she have let others dictate too much.
16. Mom doesn’t know OP had this crisis. Her sister informed her I’m busy and suggested she accept help from others occasionally. Mom found it odd and called to check in.
17. To those who predicted conflict, it’s happened. Dad unexpectedly sided with her brother. OP clarified she haven’t spoken to her brother about this decision.
18. Mom’s oldest sibling in our usually light-hearted family group chat expressed concern about her care. The youngest shared flight costs, causing an awkward silence.
19. OP texted Mom’s youngest sibling, saying OP couldn’t continue. She understood and is going to help Mom now.
20. OP’s aunt informed her mom has memory issues and plans to move to assisted care. She’ll prioritize this on her visit. Unsure if she shared her texts; OP have muted Mom’s calls for now.
Now that you have read the story, it’s time for you to see what Redditors had to say about this. Read till the end to see what are other people’s opinions on this. Don’t forget to share your own opinion at the end of this article.
21. Not the OP’s responsibility to bear all the caregiving burden, especially if it’s not reciprocated. Family dynamics can be complex.
22. OP’s decision to set boundaries doesn’t make them selfish. It’s crucial to prioritize mental and emotional well-being
23. Caregiving shouldn’t fall solely on one family member, especially under such strained circumstances.
24. OP’s decision to set boundaries doesn’t make them selfish. It’s crucial to prioritize mental and emotional well-being.
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